The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
