Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
