So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
