Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
