I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
