I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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