In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
