I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
