i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
