There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My penis needs a shock collar
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
