What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
