I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
