Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
