Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
