Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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