i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
