Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
