I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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