I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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