You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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