Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
