UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
