it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
