Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
