please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
