then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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