Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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