weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
high people should be assigned attendants
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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