i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
