I am puke
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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