she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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