My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
