Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
