I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
