The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
