You're so nebulous sometimes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
