They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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