I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
