my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
