This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
