I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
