i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
