i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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