so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
