i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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