Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
