***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
