I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize