I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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