Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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