4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
