I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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