would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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