Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
