I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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