Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
