His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
