Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
