My room smells like vodka and shame
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
