guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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