I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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