Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
