She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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