I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
