I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
