Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
