My hand turned me down
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
