Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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