Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
