i just sent this text using only my big toe
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
