You're my little dorito
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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