Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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