I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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