she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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