i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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