Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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