before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
