My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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