she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
handjob tips. give me some.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
